I do not pretend to be an example of morality: I jumped off my high horse freshman year of college. Back then I was the judgemental roommate who threw her copy of the Bible at a drunk roommate and more than once muttered sexual slurs under my breath when regaled with stories of college promiscuity.
Everything has changed.
I tried for a long time to hang onto my virginity, the last bastion of my romantic, innocent, naive self leftover from High School. But after a year studying abroad in Ireland and becoming the "everything but" girl I allowed myself to experience what I (now) truly believe to be a healthy part of adulthood. That was four years ago.
After a few sexual partners and several serious long term relationships I find myself searching for that same sense of self-respect that came from being a virgin among non-virgins. Please don't misunderstand, I no longer want to be the judgemental roommate lacking both empathy and tact but I do want to remember what made sex and sexual relationships such a huge deal back when I was 20. A few weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year and I am going to attempt to regain some of that self respect through an experiment: 1 year of celibacy.
As a try to navigate this treacherous new path I've laid out for myself (treacherous because this time around I actually know what I'm missing!) I am re instituting "Dunaras Rules," a term my first boyfriend and I coined to describe our sexual relationship back when I was still a virgin but starting to explore the delights of sexual intimacy. Dunaras (the name of the student village we where we lived in Ireland) Rules means everything but actual intercourse - rules I instituted and he, begrudgingly, accepted.
It is my hope that this blog will be a way to vent my frustrations and celebrate my accomplishments over the next year. It will be interesting to see if I revert back to my 19-year old ways of thinking or if I can successfully rid myself of any guilty feelings I still harbor about being a sexual woman and can come to some sort of balance. It is time to rediscover just how special sex really is!
Let the experiment commence...
